So.......... I can be opinionated. I can be in your face and loud. I often think my way is the best way and others probably aren't as knowledgeable about a given subject than I am. I am all these things (if I allow myself to be.) Over the years, I have realized that other's opinions matter (and occasionally provide insight), that a whisper is often heard more than screaming (people will actually strain their neck and stop talking) and there are as many ways as there are people to do things. There is a lot of gray and a lot less black and white in the world I live in today but that isn't how it has always been.
And here we go starting over again. My son is just like me in so many ways. He likes to make the rules. He likes to control the situation and do things "his way".
It makes it hard when he is making new friends. So, I find that more often than not he has been doing things on his own, not including other kids just so he can make all the decisions.
He recently had a school project in which the teacher gave the students the option of doing the project as group or alone. Bug chose to do his by himself. I asked why and he gave me a brush off reason of this way it assured he would be the one whom got to take the project home at the end. I'm sure that was true but I think there was more to it than just gaining ownership of a finished model. I don't think he was willing to compromise on the vision of the project in which he had in his mind.
It's his way or the highway.
He's eight. I don't let him rule my home and make all the decisions but from the time he was a baby I have always valued him as a person and I have allowed him to decide upon things like whether he would like chicken noodle or tomato soup for lunch or what pajamas he's going to wear to bed. When he didn't want to cut his hair I let it grow out long. Yeah, waiters would comment on how cute "she" but he eventually lost the long curls and now sports a typical "boys" cut.
Children are individuals, they are not little extensions of ourselves as much as some parents would like to believe and I feel like he needs to make decisions.
All this being said, I now wonder if in giving him the freedom to make his own decisions have I created a control freak? Will he ever be flexible enough to allow others to make decisions for him? Will he be the 90 year old man in the nursing home unwilling to give his 60 year old son power of attorney for fear of losing control?
We have been working on compromise and flexibility in situations. I've had to put my foot down on things lately.
He's at a new school and he's in a class with kids a full year or two older than himself. He is seeing that not everyone values his opinion like we do. Socially the world has ways of making us conform. The last thing I want is for him to lose himself but somewhere along the line I feel his peers (and myself) will help him to see that there are many ways to a positive result. It doesn't always have to be his way for it to be comfortable or right.
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